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Preschoolers & Parenting Styles

A part of the Parenting the Preschooler program

Practical Tips for Parenting

Accept your child’s feelings when she is angry, sad, or frustrated. Saying “I can see you’re upset” doesn’t mean giving in; it helps identify emotions and tells the child you understand.

Give your child choices such as what color pants to wear or choosing between two pieces of fruit for a snack. Letting children have some power within limits can help reduce power struggles and help them begin to learn how to make good choices.

Use words like “good” or “bad” to describe behavior or actions, not to describe the child.

Clearly explain the behavior you expect in advance. For example, before a shopping trip say “You must stay in the cart and we won’t be buying anything that’s not on the list. Would you like to add one item to the list before we get there?”

Set limits based on your child’s development and consistently follow through by providing consequences that relate to the behavior. Example: Your child throws Legos, the Legos are put up high for the rest of the day.

Praise positive behavior and always reaffirm love for your child.

A smiling adult embraces a child dressed in brown. The child looks thoughtful. Behind them, a wall displays a woven bag, a hat, and a hanging belt. Warm, cozy atmosphere.
A joyful family scene in a park. A man and woman hold a laughing child upside down. Sunlight filters through trees, highlighting their smiling faces.

Parenting Styles: Identifying your style

As a parent, do you relate more to A, B, or C?

A

I know what’s best for my child because I am the parent. My child should obey me and be punished if they do not. When my child misbehaves, I yell and threaten.

The Enforcer (sometimes referred to as authoritarian)

B

I give my child choices and their own sense of individuality. I have high standards and enforce the rules consistently. I serve as a role model for my child by modeling the respect that I expect them to give me.

The Negotiator (sometimes referred to as authoritative)

C

I do as much as I can for my child because he/she is only a child for a short time. If I discipline my child, I’m afraid he/she won’t love me. I typically let my child do what he/she wants because I dislike conflict.

The Yielder (sometimes referred to as permissive)

Using Your Strengths

Many parents use a mixture of styles at various times, especially when parenting multiple children with different needs. Striving to be a Negotiator parent (type B) is best to help children develop inner discipline and positive parent-child relationships.

Enforcer parents (Type A) often use strict punishment and allow very little freedom. Yielder parents (Type C) often view their children as friends and have few limits or demands for their children. If you relate to either of these parenting styles, don’t feel bad! You have great strengths as a parent, but remember that balance is important for children.

Yielder parents’ strength is love and acceptance but it’s important to think how giving in might affect the child long term. Will your child feel entitled? Or learn patience?

Enforcer parents have the strength of clarity and high expectations. However, showing sensitivity to your child will be key in helping your child understand that “tough love” is rooted in “love” and not just “tough.”

Negotiator parents combine love, limits, and respect with consistent, fair expectations. Research shows that the Negotiator produces the best outcomes for children’s health and well-being, including: responsibility, compassion, problem-solving skills, self-control, and acceptance of self and others.

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